Intergalactic Brain-Douche

06.11.81 - Board of Censors Meeting

2008-06-11T09:49:00.000-07:00

Censor Guy One: Ok, on to Exhibit # 13. A lyric at the tail end of "Start Me Up" by the Rolling Stones clearly states, "You make a dead man come." Hard to believe, I know. How do they expect this filth to get by us? Its an outrage!

Censor Guy Two: Its disgusting. They need to lay of the goddamned drugs for a minute and consider the fact that anyone could hear this on the radio. This is filth!

Censor Guy Three: I've got to disagree here. Historically speaking, in the realm of music, sexually explicit material is only taboo when the subject is alive. In this case, as you so accurately observed, it is a "dead man" that is coming here. This not only avoids issues of censorship, but it also very descriptively communicates just how deeply hot this woman must be. After all, she is able to bring a lifeless corpse to climax.

(an awkward silence passes)

The Head of the Board: Well, I see no choice but to let Exhibit # 13 be heard by the general public.

(gavel slams down.)

Simon & Barfunkel

2008-05-12T15:46:00.000-07:00

I feel empty today. Useless. Not sure why, but its an awful feeling. (well, I guess I have some idea of why) I'm trying to muster the will power to go to the gym, as I know that will raise my spirits. But its going to be tough today. I'd rather get in bed right now (5:49 pm), listen to simon & garfunkel records and feel miserable. I know this is a gay entry, but I don't give a fuck. Needed a little venting. On the brighter side of darkness, I did get a turntable this weekend, so I've been listening to records and its been really enjoyable. It is funny how listening to an actual record, a finite, fixed recording feels like such an event in the context of the digital age of impatience. Still feel like shit though.

Bored doodle of Coworker Isacc

2008-04-04T15:51:00.001-07:00

L.S.D.

2008-04-04T15:46:00.001-07:00

I was watching this series called "the drug years" on vh1 classic last night, and it was really entertaining. Really fascinating shit about LSD. This Dr. Albert swiss chemist first created it in an effort to create a substance to relieve migranes. He ended up taking it himself, began to feel strange and got on his bike and rode for hours through the swiss countryside. This was the first acid trip ever experienced. Another odd fact is that apparently, the scientist who first proposed that the structure of DNA was a double helix in structure, was on LSD when he first concieved of the idea. So, in a way, we owe our modern understanding of DNA to acid.

Elevate me Later

2008-02-22T13:39:00.001-08:00

Last night I had a TERRIFYING dream that I was in a renegade elevator with a group of strangers. It began to severely malfunction and it seemed to shoot up erratically, then PLUMMET. At first, I tried to be calm for the good of the group, so I wouldn't encourage panic. However, as the situation became more severe, people just lost it and were screaming and scrambling to brace themselves without regard for their fellow man. Through all this, David Bowie's "Lady Stardust" was playing loudly. (not through elevators speakers, but rather as a crystal clear, overlaid soundtrack.) We crashed to the ground. I ended up doing some sort of handstand on impact. The elevator car split open in the process, and I, BADLY wounded managed to crawl out. The bones in my arms had splintered and shot up into my torso, but my legs were relatively unscathed. I ran around, crying out for help to the horrified people who stood observing on the street, who just stared as tears welled up in their eyes. I could feel (and sort of see) fragments of metal and glass protruding from my head and face.

Then I woke up and got ready for work. This is not the first elevator dream I've had in the recent past. Unfortunately, I think I know why this happens. The one sound I can hear in my apartment as I sleep is that of the elevator mechanical room in the hall, which happens to be adjacent to my bedroom.

Orange Juice Incident

2008-02-20T09:08:00.000-08:00

The other morning I woke up, walked into my kitchen, poured a mouthful of orange juice in my mouth and promptly sneezed. I didn't have time to swallow, so it went ALL OVER my entire apartment. I wanted to just go back to bed.

Profound sense of Longing

2008-02-18T18:12:00.000-08:00

Not sure why, but I am stricken with a heavy sense of longing today. For what I'm not sure. It seems to be a lot of things. Just heard a song (by the Silver Jews) that made me want to drink an ice cold beer on a fall day, strumming acoustic guitars with my friends among an autumn spectrum of colorful leaves. Maybe take a road trip, and watch the rolling landscape unfold and alternate between plots speckled with cattle and rotting barns, and small town cemeteries spotted with fading gravestones. Instead, of course, I'm stuck here in this office. But my mind remains free and wandering. Maybe this has been triggered by the recent visit to Chicago I made, which was filled with a certain sense of adventure that I must've not felt in a long time.

Saturday morning bath towel skirt blues

2008-01-26T10:36:00.000-08:00

Hello-
My internet connection at this Tulsa apartment is borrowed and inconsistent. I need to think about getting a legitimate one, I'd probably write in this a lot more if I got one. It was a weird week. Went out with Michael on wednesday night for some beers and some live music. Ended up blowing off too much steam and getting pretty drunk. (michael was driving, so I figured what the fuck) Woke up the next day in my clothes on my couch in the nick of time to get to work. I'd also torn through my kitchen like a robber. I went to work and grabbed an emergency mug of coffee and sat down to focus. As the day went on, I realized that my left hand had been asleep since I woke, and it was now around noon. Upon discussing my plight with those around me, they alerted me that this condition can be associated with heart attack or stroke. Not good. I thought that had to be bullshit (at least in my case) but I asked permission to leave the office and go to see a doctor. Better to be safe than sorry, etc. So, mid-length story shorter, I basically slept on my arm all night, thus pinching a nerve in my left arm. (its totally back to its old, left hand self again) However, in the process of getting my vital signs checked, the doctor (a middle eastern woman with a heavy accent) it was discovered that my blood pressure was abnormally high. This was partly due to the strange circumstances and panic, but its something I need to take into consideration from here on out. Yet another chapter in the book of getting older. So now I type sprawled on my bed with some Shins playing in the background. Last night was the first step in a new phase of me "slowing my row". I went out, yes, but I drank about half of what my usual weekend night self would have, and I had one cigarette instead of nine. (the smoking is something that I plan to phase out fast) The scene was Soundpony and Fincannon (my cousin Dennis and friend Matt's duo) was playing, followed by an extremely unusual and talented multi-instrumentalist from china named Doug. (in america at least) It was a lot of fun, despite my strange, slighty defeated mood. I was more alert for one thing. (a beautiful girl walked by and smiled for example, and I had the presence of mind to smile back) And this all culminated in a free-form jam session, which I participated in briefly. Now to stir up today's adventure.

Bored ramblings. (Vol. 1)

2008-01-10T14:44:00.000-08:00

I woke in the middle of the night to a spastic shuffling sound from above.
Hounddogs were scramblin round my ceiling, rattlin the chandelier and crackin the smoke alarm.
A baby hippo was singin in korean and a-splashin in orange cool-aid in my lion foot tub.
A long-haired, pot-bellied hog was rolling round in my bed, stealin all the covers.
And a school of blowfish blew a tune through a ram's horn, and an old balloon.
So I shut my eyes and I fell asleep, cause that seemed like all I could do really cause that's a fucking hard act to follow.

Merry Christmas.

2007-12-21T11:12:00.000-08:00

The sound of nothing sounds like something

2007-11-14T15:28:00.000-08:00

(special thanks to Holt - for sending me a link to this)

Check this the fuck out!

http://saturn.jpl.nasa.gov/multimedia/sounds/

These are unholy sounds recorded by NASA in OUTER SPACE. They are chilling.

Here's some into on what you are about to hear:

"A 2005 flyby of Enceladus, one of Saturn’s moons, captured the sound of powerful ion cyclotron waves (organized fluctuations in the magnetic field), providing data about what ions were present in the atmosphere.

Radar echoes picked up as the probe descended onto Titan increase in pitch and intensity as the satellite neared the Saturnian moon, hinting at the nature and composition of its surface.

Sound samples recorded by Huygen's microphones during that descent were pieced together in a lab to create an audio reproduction of what a traveler would have heard while hurtling through Titan’s atmosphere."

WARNING: This may hurt your brain. The second one especially. The end is intense.

ALSO: Try not to vomit while looking at this ACTUAL PICTURE of saturn taken on a recent Cassini mission.

I DARE you to watch this (the whole thing)

2007-09-23T22:26:00.000-07:00

FINALLY.

2007-08-21T16:59:00.001-07:00

At long, LONG last, our brief cd is finished. And after our last show Friday, so are we as a band. So if you're reading this out there, come see TONIGHT WE RIDE's final show at Underground Lounge (Clark & Newport in Wrigleyville) on Friday August 24th. We are "headlining" and will go on about midnight. We'll have cds for five bones. (which is a bargain really, cause it'll give you five boners.)

Come let us rip you a new one ONE LAST TIME.

Go here for new songs!

www.myspace.com/tonightride

Summer Time Natural High

2007-06-25T19:56:00.000-07:00

Hello out there. (for those of you that still bother with this) This has just become something that's not a real priority anymore, so I appologize. I'm gonna keep it an open channel though. Well, there's lots going on here. I went to four parties this past weekend. Two friday night, one Saturday night, and one all-day party complete with Gay-pride parade on Sunday. (no, I'm not - but some of my friends are) Some big music festivals coming up - like Pitchfork in mid-July, and Lollapalooza in early August. I also turn 29 in two days. That is kinda scaring me. Oh well, nothing I can do about that.

Hope you are doing well - I will post more soon. That is all.

ZAK - haven't been doing a whole lot of recording - but here's a belated reward song for your accurate Beefheart identification.

Sleeping on the Job

sOrRy dUdeS!

2007-05-29T20:51:00.000-07:00

Real busy. Short week made even shorter by wedding I am playing guitar at - getting ready for that - learning 30 songs..etc... Kinda making me nervous.. oh well, it'll be cool.

To tide you over, I offer you a brain-snack. Look at this haunting photo my coworker Miguel took of a child interacting with a baby hippo. Also, notice that the hippo is Satan made flesh.

More from the douche later, including pictures from this weird period wedding I'm about to play at... (set in the 1770's.. no shit.)

Drinking and dancing can kill a friendship.

2007-05-16T19:17:00.001-07:00

Doug's reward song.

2007-05-06T17:42:00.000-07:00

entitled, "Berlin, 1986" with a possible sub-title of "Breakfast Club Reunion".

Technically, Zak responded with the correct answer first, but I felt this song may be more suited to Doug's taste, so yours is coming up, Zak.

Berlin, 1986 (Breakfast Club Reunion)

Good weekend / Songs for the Beefheart Winners

2007-05-06T17:30:00.000-07:00

Hello out there. Been a good weekend. It was a classic, wake up confused on a friend's couch Saturday morning, followed by a long bikeride, some sketching, and a little song making. Then a rowdy Cinco de Mayo party ensued involving dueling margarita blenders, tejano music, and a broken window. Today has been a relatively calm follow-up, featuring a movie and a lazy, open-window nap.

In other news, I have been working on some reward songs for the two participants that first identified the likeness of Captain Beefheart. Those will be soon to follow, so hang tight Zak and Doug.

2007-04-30T20:41:00.000-07:00

If you correctly identify this man...

2007-04-25T21:09:00.000-07:00

... I shall make a brief song for you.

Show Next Saturday!

2007-04-14T15:03:00.000-07:00

Come get your mind blown.

New Hangover Composition!

2007-04-08T19:02:00.000-07:00

WARNING: weird.

CLICK LINK BELOW TO HEAR SONG.

Al Roker & the Alligators

Way down yonder in New Orleans...

2007-03-27T15:27:00.000-07:00

Twas a magical string of days...

I need a vacation.

2007-03-08T18:04:00.001-08:00

Winter season, summer libido.

2007-02-16T21:35:00.000-08:00

What's up, people. A rare moment of relaxation right now. Have a DVD of a David Byrne show from a couple years ago in London on in the backdrop. Sippin on a white russian, (weird choice, I know.. wanted to mix it up), trying to unwravel from a long-ass workweek. How did I get here? Why am I a troubled adult so soon? Some kind of 1/3 life crisis here. Don't get me wrong, life still seems amazing to me, its just that I feel like its harder to get to the marrow of it all lately. Less time for this kind of creative thing, because most of that energy is expired by the time I leave work. "observe humans as if you're from mars, but at the same time, love them completely", is what David Byrne just said in the background. Weird dude. Weird dude with some seriously unique perspectives, though. Just thought I hear my phone vibrating and went to look for it.. it wasn't though. I heard the other day that in China, they prescribe a medication for people that have a certain condition by which they experience the sensation of phantom cell phone vibration rings, rings that only exhist purely in thier conditioned minds. I'm supposed to move some PA speakers with my friend Patrick later. Almost hope that falls through cause I can't fathum how we're going to accomplish that over layers of ice and snow... Walking to work is hard enough...

Thanks for turning the dial to the douche.

Happy V - Day, assholes.

2007-02-14T15:40:00.000-08:00

Cold as Ice.

2007-02-05T17:40:00.000-08:00

Hello. Been some interesting things happening lately. First of all, the temperature. Last saturday night I was at a party and it got down to 12 below zero, with a wind chill of -30 something. People were going outside to smoke and when they came inside, thier beers were frozen solid. Last weekend I went to a David Lynch screening (Eraserhead, Blue Velvet, Twin Peaks.. etc) with Zach. David Lynch was there to introduce his new movie, which was weird as hell of course. The introduction was better than the movie. He walked out into the spotlight (as you see above) and greeted the audience. He then said "First, a brief improvisation on the organ." And this guy to the left of the stage starting playing this ominous pattern of chords on an old church organ. THAT, not the movie, was the coolest part. I tried ice skating with some friends at millenium park. It was not as easy as I thought, though I remained tenacious. My left knee cap still feels like someone swung a mallet at it full-force. Now I'm sitting and typing during the final fleeting moments of my precious lunch break as a thick snow falls outside.

Peace out.

Fork in Nose # 1

2007-01-24T10:50:00.000-08:00

Hey dudes. I am on my lunchbreak at work. Lately I think I'm so sick of being on a computer all day at work, that when I get home, the last thing I want to do is get back on one to do shit like this. Sorry about the drought.

So Tonight We Ride recorded the main tracks of a five-song little EP, or whatever you wanna call it. Sounds pretty awesome so far. Especially the drums. Our buddy Dave did it for us, and he knows what's up. Now I have to go back in a add an occational additional guitar, and do the vocals. I'll keep you posted, and of course, give you a listen when its ready.

This is a dull time of year, and its freezing in Chicago everyday now, so it deturs you from doing much. Its hard not to get into a rut of total complacency. I'm trying to fight it though.

The world of the subconcious is more exciting, however. Had a crazy dream the other night that went like this:

I was in a parking lot with some friends and two trucks with enclosed trailer pulled up - one red and one white. I had to choose which one I was departing in. My second city friends were all leaving in the white one, so they were urging me to go with them. I pretended I was, but at the last second (no pun intended), I ditched them and dove into the red trailer, at which point an anonymous hand closed and locked me in. I had no idea who or what was in it and it was pitch black, completely enclosed. As it drove off, I realize someone else was in there. "Hi Uncle Al." It was my nephew Thomas. I could only hear him. I was glad he was there, but also scared he was there. I frantically looked for an opening or a hole or crack, desperately wanted to see where we were. I could find nothing, just pure black. After struggling with this for a good while, Thomas called me over to the back of the truck saying "its over here, Uncle Al." I sat down beside him and the back of the truck slid open like a huge dresser drawer. I looked around, eyes adjusting to the light, to see that we were casually rolling through some kind of fake forrest, where the trees we composed of rough, ripped cardboard. There were green cellophane leaves and all kinds of other little details that someone had painstakingly created. Thomas looked around bright-eyed and smiling. As we passed a row of spooky ghosts made of sugar cookie and covered with white icing, Thomas said "Yay! Daddy made spooky ghosts!" A voice from above responded "Hey, you called them "spooky"! Thanks Thomas." I looked up to see a giant Frank, my brother-in-law and Thomas' dad. He was the one crafting the environment that surrounded us.

Man the brain is weird.

TODAY We Ride.

2007-01-14T10:31:00.000-08:00

About to hop in the shower and grab the Tele and head over to our buddy Dave's studio for our first Tonight We Ride recording session. Should be awesome. I'll keep you posted. Should be coming out of the insanely busy work haze a bit after our deadline of Tuesday - so I'll try to get back to you then. Thanks for tunin' it to the douche.

Sorry - been busy as shit.

2007-01-12T11:07:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

2006-12-23T20:42:00.000-08:00

Last weekend and shit... it's Christmas!

2006-12-20T21:54:00.000-08:00

This past weekend was huge for me. The Tonight We Ride show was awesome. Even more people showed up - including strangers that happened to be there last time. So that was awesome. The show was comparatively stripped down when held next the the halloween stage extras, but we still had some christmas goodies goin on. We wore horrible christmas sweaters we hunted down from thrift stores, made a cardboard fireplace complete with fire video inside, and threw out beheaded stuffed animals from a huge santa bag between songs. We closed with a scorching cover of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen". The other bands all complimented us after and people bought me about ten shots, so it turned into a pretty wild time. Getting the equipment back to the practice space was interesting. (I was NOT driving.)

Then, Sunday morning (whoops) was my first public Second City improv performance. I was really worried about it. (not to mention hung-the-fuck-over) However, it went really well - we all had a blast. It was really cool to see how a production on the Second City mainstage works too. Waiting back stage to go on and reading quotes from the likes of Chris Farley and company scrawled on the walls was pretty surreal. Here are some pics.

And all of the sudden, Christmas is mere days away. Crazy. Merry Christmas everyone!

Look out.

2006-12-14T09:47:00.000-08:00

We're gonna deck your balls.

random recent retinal recordings

2006-12-04T11:13:00.000-08:00

One of my nephews wearing my sister's galoshes.

Snow on the tracks.

The stormtrooper painting in its natural habitat.

The Kraken

2006-11-29T21:51:00.000-08:00

Another song by Tonight We Ride.
"The Kraken" (here are the lyrics, though I messed them up live.)

The captian he takes to the sea
in a ship full of rum-drunken men.
Not knowing that stirring beneath
is a beast that's unheard of on land.
The hull of the ship drags along
on the top of his dark, murky cave
Surrounded by wrackage of vessels
that rest in this watery grave.

The Kraken unwravels his tentacles,
thrusting them out of the sea.
The pirates drop each of thier bottles
they're frozen in pure disbelief.
The monster takes hold of the ship
and he crushes it to smithereens
He swallows the pirates alive
and thier screams ring out into the sea.

Thou shalt not awaken...
The Kraken.

Much better...

2006-11-20T12:00:00.000-08:00

Hey dudes! Feeling much better, and just in time to eek through a couple days of work and then go home to Tulsa for thanksgiving! Hell yeah. Here's a painting I'm finishing.

More soon!

sick of being sick

2006-11-15T14:35:00.000-08:00

Concerning Comments...

2006-11-09T17:04:00.000-08:00

I seem to have thrown some of you off with recent changes - and I haven't had time to rifle through the html code and all that shit to figure it out. But for now, use the comment option BELOW THE LINE of each post. Where it says "Comments I Trackback". Use that one. The one above is apparently for blogger users only, so fuck that shit.

SOMEBODY TRY IT!!!

Your own. Personal. Jesus.

2006-11-08T22:19:00.000-08:00

Hi! Just got finished talking to the roomie Zach about how depressing the end of Lives of John Lennon was. As well as Elliot Smith and the Big Nothing (more depressing because he did it himself).. Had a bad week... thinking too much... Life is rough sometimes.. And sometimes its all in your head. Hope you readers are doing well. Holt! Use the lower comment option to be able to make non-blogger comments! Why is my lymph node swolen?!?!? Do you realize!?!?! If so, contact me, cause I have NO FUCKING IDEA! Here is a picture of JESUS for your viewing pleasure. However, its invisible, so you've got to have faith to really see it.

Christ Almighty!

Sunday evening blues...

2006-11-05T16:50:00.000-08:00

Hey Everybody. Its been so long since I've used this for what I originally intended it for: Douching of the Brain. Well, here I sit on a Sunday evening - just took a sweet shower, drinkin some coffee, and listening to Horace Silver, a jazz pianist. To further evidence today's lofty ambitions, I just took my laundry out of the dryer, so I'm feeling pretty clean right about now. Well, guess fall was kinda skipped after all here, though there were a few amazing days of in between weather complete with a beautiful array of colored leaves adorning every tree. Could used more a that. This was a weird weekend. I've been feeling like I'm getting sick, which is never fun - so I pretty much took it easy, slept and read a lot, and ate a shitload of soup. Went to a delicious dinner party at a friend's house and out for a couple drinks on friday. Other than that, shockingly uneventful. I'm almost through this "The Lives of John Lennon" book, an insanely in-depth biography by some dude who studied and conducted interviews about Lennon's life for 16 years or something rediculous. It all but tells you when he took a shit every day. It's REALLY interesting though. What I've thought about him has changed pretty drastically - he was an asshole basically, but a very interesting one. Well, my roommate just got back in to town from visiting the mrs., so my private, pensive weekend has ceased. That's cool, I could use some company. I cannot believe we are already being attacked by Christmas cheer, only mere days after Halloween. I walked into Walgreens and was pummeled by yuletide jingles and little battery-powered elves dancing in my face. Not sure I'm ready for that shit yet. Gimmee a holler out there! I'll try to start writing in here again. Hope you enjoyed the postings from the TWR show, it was a fucking blast!

Another Video! "GasMask"

2006-11-04T11:30:00.000-08:00

Footage from our first show!

2006-11-01T19:24:00.000-08:00

Last Night, We Rode.

2006-10-29T16:04:00.000-08:00

And today I have no voice and my ability to move is seriously hindered. We may have rocked too hard. Jesus, it was hilarious! Our friend Patrick filmed it too, so I'm going to post some footage asap. It was possibly the most fun I've ever had in my life. We made a real performance of it, with an elaborate entry procession complete with candles and demonic halloween organ music blasting. I'm gonna steal Aaron's (the man on the thunderbuckets) description:

"The house music stops and there is a moment of silence before some creepy halloween noises begin blaring through the bar. From the back, Al, Zach, and Myself come walking into the venue with black hooded robes and holding skull candles. The crowd was cheering like crazy and getting really into it. We place our candles ceremoniously on the "alter" at the front of the stage, grabbed our instruments and jumped right into "Gather Your Swords". The crowd went fucking nuts.

There was a pretty big turn out at the Underground Lounge last night. Aside from our group of friends taking over one side of the bar, there were TONS of curious passerbys and even a bachelor party who thought we were probably the best band of all time.

We sort of cemented that fact when we played our fourth song, "Gasmask". We had two huge skeleton heads on either side of the stage that hooked up to fog machines that began to fill the stage with the smoke emerging from the skeletons' eye sockets. The stage lights were turned off, a green strobe light begin flashing, and we each put on our gasmasks and began to rock the fuck out in the green-lighted smoke.

It was a bit embarrasing at the end of the show when the whole audience demanded "ONE MORE SONG" and we didn't know any. We blew our whole wad, because it was our first show. Anyway, the audience voted that we play our cover of Motorhead's "Shoot You in the Back" again. AGAIN. We played the same song twice and they fucking love it.

It was good to recieve such honest praise after a first show. I've played a lot of gigs where you get off stage and people say "hey man, good stuff. I really liked it" and you believe them, but you know that they are saying it mostly out of formality. Last night, though, we got off stage and everyone was just in awe, aparantly. The bartender exclaimed "New favorite band" and then proceeded to say how badly he wants to get us in to record. Others just simpley said "fucking amazing". It felt good to know we are going in the right direction. Now we just need to keep the momentum going. And i definately wouldn't mind continueing to get paid to do this"

More on this soon - and we've got another gig lined up already. I'm going to get a little band site going too, so I'll keep you informed.

Our first show cometh.

2006-10-23T22:11:00.000-07:00

Snow in October?

2006-10-12T11:21:00.000-07:00

It's snowing outside here in Chicago! Craziness. October 12th and its snowing. I'm gonna find mother nature and kick her square in the back of the head! "What happened to fall, you bitch!?!?"

GET READY...WE'RE COMING.

2006-10-10T11:05:00.000-07:00

The fall is here.

2006-10-09T11:06:00.000-07:00

nEw PLAcE!

2006-10-01T17:54:00.000-07:00

Hello readers. I'm gonna try to get back in the swing of things with this here blog. Which reminds me, I need to call Doug... Ok done. Doug rules. Well, as often happens, I started this two hours ago, and shit keeps coming up that pulls me away. Just got back from the grocery store with Zach. Our new place is across the street from a huge Jewel, so I now have no excuse not to shop for groceries. Speaking of our new place, let me show you around. We'll work from the outside in. Zach and I's new place is on Broadway, in the Lakeview/Wrigleyville/Boystown area. We're on the third floor, above a hair salon and a used book store called "Selected Works". Reading a book I picked up from there currently. We're the one with the lights on.

View from across Broadway.

The living room, facing toward the back.

The living room, facing the front.

My bedroom.

View from my bedroom window. (note the Sear's Tower to the right, and the Hancock building to the left.)

Music factory in the extra room know as "the creation station".

More soon! Thanks for reading.

Thank Jesus its f*cking Friday.

2006-09-29T14:28:00.000-07:00

I'll try to catch this shit up this weekend... Right now I gotta try to stay awake for the last hour of work.

Flaming Lips in OKC!!!

2006-09-20T15:13:00.001-07:00

Check later... at work.. trying not to get busted...

The Advantage.

2006-08-30T11:18:00.000-07:00

Moving this week, so I have no time or internet at home. Sorry about the Lollapalooza part 2 delay. It will happen. In the meantime, here’s a little treat. A couple Saturdays ago I went and saw this band called The Advantage that covers Nintendo songs with guitar, bass, and drums. It was AWESOME. Here’s a taste. The Flashman level from Megaman. Check the douche again soon.

Don't forget to party this weekend.

2006-08-24T22:56:00.000-07:00

[coming this weekend: part two of the post-lollapalooza post]

The Second Annual Post-Lollapalooza Post {PART ONE}

2006-08-18T23:14:00.000-07:00

Well readers, its seems like only yesterday that I was typing about this very event, yet it has been one entire year. This one will include a special bonus of the Ween & Flaming Lips concert I attended (along with my little brother and friends) at Red Rocks, near Denver, Colorado. (if you already knew that, well I apologize) I like to be specific.

This has been quite a summer. There have been numerous activities to combat the increasingly predictable repetition of the Chicago workweek. Concerts and music festivals have been frequent here lately. Intonation Fest earlier this summer was a great time, and I saw a couple interesting bands like The Boredoms. (pretty fucking out there) But this did not compare to the back-to-back weekends that brought Red Rocks and Lollapalooza. These weekends also served as the buns to the hamburger whose ground-beef patty was a week-long visit from my little brother.

RED ROCKS:

As will be evident from the photos, we all had an awesome time. I flew in to Denver on a Friday night and met my little brother in the Denver airport. We then joined a larger group of friends at my buddy Pete’s house, where we all crashed. The next day we got some breakfast and went to a weird old junk shop where we bought costumes for the show. We headed out to Red Rocks equipped with coolers of delicious microbrewery beer in our trunks for the pre-show parking lot activities. The weather was sunny and perfect, the scenery was gorgeous, and the bands filled the air with a high-spirited blanket of sound.

THE FLAMING LIPS:

This was the third time for me to witness them, and any of you who’ve seen them know that there’s no other show like it. Its basically a mammoth-scale psychedelic birthday party thrown for thousands of people instead of one, complete with costumed dancers, ten-foot balloons bounding through the crowd, and one metric ton of confetti. All that and some of the best music you’ve ever heard. They threw some nice musical treats in there too, like Bohemian Rhapsody, an awesome version of My Cosmic Autumn Rebellion where Wayne held a bird in his hand as he sang, and a confetti drenched closer of Black Sabbath’s War Pigs capped it off, as images of Bush and Cheney strobed on the big screen. To put in one more step beyond insane, fireworks exploded in the distance as they concluded.

Score: 9 (If you haven’t seen them, do. And get close.)

WEEN:

These aging spazzes are notorious for rocking for five hours straight, and finishing a bottle of Jack Daniel’s each on stage during the course of the show. They’ve clearly settled down a bit, more for survival than anything else apparently, as one member has recently returned from rehabilitation. They came through as always, though the duration of their set had to remain reasonable, due to the curfew that has been enforced at Red Rocks. Sure, lyrically they’re silly and stupid, but these mutherfuckers can play. Still, I had seen them twice before and liked the longer, more raw shows I’d seen them put on before.

Score: 7.5 (At their best, they could near a ten.)

LOLLAPALOOZA:

Sunday morning after Red Rocks, it was back to Chicago. After carefully navigating the workweek while my brother was in town crashing at my apartment, it was time once again for Lollapalooza! It was on an even grander scale this year, expanding from two days to three, and consuming not half but all of enormous Grant Park, whose center is Buckingham Fountain. Negotiating the schedule of 130 plus bands was not easy, and a few conflicts arose between the numerous performances, which took place on a total of ten stages. We ended up seeing some great shows.

DAY ONE:

JEREMY ENIGK

This was a performance by the former front man of Sunny Day Real Estate and company. This guys solo album, Return of the Frog Queen, is so good it makes me jealous. It oozes with style and unique songwriting. However, this didn’t come through as well live. I was surprised to see that there was barely anyone there. That almost made it nice, it felt more like it was my show. As he played, he stared out over the Chicago skyline and seemed to really be taken by the situation. Though his music can be moody and dark, he smiled repeatedly and showed genuine gratitude toward the slowly accumulating audience.

Score: 5.5 (It hurts me to give him that, but his recordings are better.)

IRON & WINE:

I had seen Sam Beam before here in Chicago, but the venue was too big for his whispered, Simon & Garfunkel feel. This could’ve easily been the case here, but he seemed to have anticipated that and gone electric, while still maintaining the soothing sound he’s known for. His head and face are veritable hair-making factories, he’s like a folk-playing Cousin It. Though I didn’t catch all of it, what I heard sounded pretty damn good. The band sounded full and crisp.

Score: 6

MATES OF STATE:

Here is a one-of-a-kind musical act, like them or not. I can see where if you weren’t into it, it would have the potential to sound like liquid shit on a chalkboard, but I happen to really like what they do. The duo is comprised of husband and wife, Kori Gardner and Jason Hammel. Kori plays organ and synthesizer and Jason rocks the thunderbuckets as they engage in some very clean vocal harmonies. What a life they must have, a married couple rocking stages worldwide together. Its all very peppy and sounds like they’re really fucking excited about something. Cool shit though. Doug and I have made some music that sounds kinda like this, minus the vocals. (and come to think of it, we were a married couple in our little home economics class in high school, all the heterosexual marriages were taken) They sounded remarkably crisp and accurate live. The little broseph liked them too.

Score: 7.5

MY MORNING JACKET:

Ok, this was just awesome. Looking around during this show was hilarious, because nearly everyone around had their hands over their ears due to the comically exuberant volume of the guitar and the band as a whole. But this was not empty volume. This band is just plain good, strong music in my opinion, and in their case, this was reinforced by their live performance like rebar through concrete. They blasted a wide variety of songs, ranging from gritty southern-style rock to more of a country sound, to a totally new take on reggae, all soaked in a heavy syrup of reverb. Not to mention the guy’s voice is the kitty’s titties. They got the sunset timeslot too, which bathed the band in a fitting golden light as the sun fell below the skyscrapers. This show was a highlight. This is a newer band that I would suggest not blowing off.

Score: 9

TO BE CONTINUED...

Two words. Holy and Diver.

2006-08-17T23:16:00.000-07:00

Put another dime in the jukebox, baby.

2006-08-13T20:37:00.000-07:00

Hello. I've spent the last few hours rounding up and choosing concert photos to show you from the Ween/Flaming Lips show at Red Rocks, and the 500 bands I saw at Lollapalooza. It is not a quick task, and I am not quite ready to post it all with commentary yet. I plan to do that though. Right now, I sit at the dining room table in the apartment, a soothing breeze from the ceiling fan beckoning me toward my bed. Had a nice weekend. Flushed the drowsy repetition of the work week completely out of my system.

Lately on weekends I practice a kind of anti-schedule. I make sure I have nothing specific to do, and that no numerical times of arrival or departure are discussed at any time. Its my personal "fuck you" to the structure of the work week, and it seems to create a pleasant balance. I know I will not be able to keep that system forever, but it kicks complete ass for now. So I just kinda floated around this weekend. Rented a movie and had a refreshingly boring friday night. Got some sushi with good ol' Patrick on saturday.

A particularly exciting weekend moment came when I drove over to the Old Town School of Folk Music here in Chicago, to browse their annual "garage sale". This is a big event, attended by hundreds of music enthusiasts in search of a bargain on the school's unneeded instruments and other musical items. In short, I bought a cello. Got a ridiculously good deal on it, so I figured what the hell. I've been playing it non-stop. Its awesome. I know that I will plateau fast if I continue trying to teach myself, though, so I am going to seek out lessons.

Just saw "Little Miss Sunshine" with Kristine from work. It was really funny and sweet (like touching sweet) Go see it.

Later.

W.O.W.

2006-08-07T21:19:00.000-07:00

Been an amazing couple weeks. First Red Rocks in Colorado, then Lollapalooza all weekend here in Chicago. I have much to show and tell, but first I'm gonna get some rest. Check here soon.

Goin' On

2006-07-26T20:26:00.000-07:00

Lot goin' on lately. I'll give you a few recent pics to catch yer asses up. First off, I finished class A at Second City. It was a blast, and I start class B in a week, where we'll get into more in-depth scene work. Don't really know what to say about other than its great fun, and really pushes your creativity. Here is a pic from class.

This past weekend, my cousin Dennis was in town, so we hung out. We played some loud, rediculous music for a couple hours, drank a couple beers and watched John Waters' immortal Pink Flamingos.

On a recent bike ride adventure, Nate and I happened upon these worms. Then I happened upon THEM.

I also played a recent open mic show at a nearby coffee house called Uncommon Ground. It was fun, but I was SO DAMN NERVOUS. It was out of control. I made the mistake of signing up for one of the last spots, so the anticipation was killing me. When I finally got up to play, I looked out at the quiet group staring backing at me, and I fucking freaked out. I made some dumb nervous disclaimer and then started to play, which proved to be difficult because my right leg, which my guitar was seated upon, would not stop quaking. Despite the rediculous circumstances, I got through the songs with very few errors, but I'm pretty sure I bolted through them too fast. Hopefully next time I'll be more relaxed.

Right after work today I fly to Denver to meet my little brother and some friends to see Ween & The Flaming Lips at Red Rocks. YES!

Here's a country song I made about the ASSHOLE that got me kicked out of Alfred Sparrow. He thinks I "don't take music seriously." You know what I would take seriously? Giving him a curb smiley.

movie test

2006-07-23T22:02:00.000-07:00

Click on the link below to see movie attached. I'm gonna try to incorporate some of these in the future.
sunday afternoon metal

new apartment

2006-07-22T13:30:00.000-07:00

Haven't moved in yet, but its gonna be awesome. This post is also kindof a test of my new online storage account for pictures and songs I post. I'll be able to post a lot more songs and larger stuff in the future.

Sweltering bike ride along the lake

2006-07-17T19:50:00.000-07:00

I was so fucking pissed off today in general. Work was fine, I got done everything I needed to with a fair amount of success. That was good. But the second I walked out of work I was slammed with a thick, heavy, invisible volcanic pudding. It was the hottest, most humid day I've ever felt in Chicago. My ever-pranking body pulled off yet another mushroom cloud chest-sweat pattern, making for a charming train ride home. Oh, and I got on the ONE TRAIN CAR with a broken air conditioner. So my shirt pretty much turned from white with stripes, to a revealing, translucent beige. I went from a decent mood at work, to a dangerous artillery shell of rage and bitterness.

So I decided to not let it get the the best of me. As tempting as it was to drape my physique over one of our marshmellow couches, I fought temptation and took the muther-fuckin' high road. I mounted my wheeled steed and set off on a sweat-drenched adventure along the lake. In doing so, I conquered the weather and put a lance in the taint of the negative vibes.

Now I feel nice and calm again.

Comments!!!!

2006-07-13T21:55:00.000-07:00

This shit is work, you bastards. Comment. I guarantee it takes you one one-hundredth of the time it takes me to document and post this shit. DO IT!

Need a little adventure? ... Make One!

2006-07-11T21:51:00.000-07:00

It's been quite an eventful summer here in Chicago thus far. Music festivals, baseball games, bike rides through all kinds of interesting neighborhoods, and some rediculous nights out. Here is the Fourth of July group at Stacy's parent's house, in Shamburg, a suburb of Chicago.

I have been making an effort to mix things up a little lately, and make sure that my friends and I all get some variety in, as opposed to always doing the same damn thing all the time, which is an easy pattern to get into. We've turned some pretty dumb ideas into some of the most enjoyable experiences know to mankind. Take for example a recent brainchild of yours truly, which we have engaged in not once, but TWICE, due to its extreme enjoyability. Alley Baseball. All you need is a Walgreen's toy ball and bat set, some crap from a dumpster to act as bases, a case of beer, and the will to succeed.

Next I bring you documentation of our latest adventure, this past Saturday's Bicycle Pub Crawl. This was an invention meant to enable us to explore the endless neighborhoods of Chicago while getting a little healthy outdoor exercise, and of course, stopping for a beer at bars we'd never been to.

That's there's my hog. My purple woman. The bicycle formerly know as Prince.

First Stop: Cozy Noodle. A delicious Thai noodle restaurant in my hood with outdoor seating during the pleasant Chicago summer. That there is Chicken Pad Thai with a sickeningly sweet Thai Iced Tea.

Bar # 1: The Red Lion

An authentic English Pub with old british bartenders with completely awesome accents. Paintings of royalty and horses abound. One Newcastle consumed.

Bar # 2: The River Shannon

An Irish Pub with some drunk twenty-something construction dude giving us the "who the fuck are you" death stare as we walked in. Beautifully ornate wood details carved into the well-stocked bar. One Goose Island 312 and several peanuts consumed.

Bar # 3: No Idea

Some place off the intersection of North and Wells with an outdoor patio in the back. Patrick got some weird curry fries and Nate got a burger. As for me, one Bell's Oberon consumed.

Bar # 4: The Old Town Ale House

A dim, cool little place filled with portraits of regulars and the sound of jazz from the jukebox. This bar is directly across from Second City, a world famous center of comic talent. As you'll see from the images, John Belushi, Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd and many others used to frequent this establishment. A glass or two from one pitcher of Pabst Blue Ribbon consumed.

Bar # 5: Clark Bar

A bar that's on clark street. That's about it. Consumed something bullshitty.

Bar # 6: Chili Mac's

Kinda like Bernie Mac, only slightly more awesome, and it looked slightly less like a pug. Two words: Blue Margaritas. Not just any, either. THE BEST EVER CREATED BY GOD OR MAN. A B.J. for the tastebuds.

Bar # 7: Sheffield's

A suitable final bar. (and not just because it was 10:00, and we all had to leave.) A nice little place, despite the crowd. (we'd all forgotten about the fact that it was ten o'clock on a Saturday night) Some CUTE girl came up and talked to us (ME mostly, for some reason) yet I "dropped the ball" when I went to take a piss and returned to find her gone. Two high-quality beers consumed. (no idea)

Good Night and God Bless.

Overwhelmed

2006-07-04T20:17:00.000-07:00

Hello out there. I've been insanely busy lately, and have failed to be consistent about the posts, and for that I appologize. I also have an abundance of pictures and tales to post, but have not found the time to do it.

Today was the fourth of July. Pretty fun stuff. Last night were Chicago's major fireworks, and we all drank beers and walked down to the lake to watch them from afar. There was a nice feeling of calm sitting by the lake. The group next to us brought sparklers. Today I drove over to a suburb with Zach and Stacy, for a holiday cookout at Stacy's family's house. We all got bitten by mosquitos and ate too much. Now I'm getting ready for bed, in preparation for an interesting day at work tomorrow. I have some major shit to do tomorrow, kinda have to play a little "catch-up", which I'm not looking forward to. I wish that shit only happened in the movie Office Space, and not in real life.

Damnit!

2006-06-19T21:53:00.000-07:00

I knew there was something I was forgetting to do tonight! Write a post! Now its late and I should go to sleep. Had a fun weekend. Recorded some music and went out to see some bands and drink a couple gin and tonics on friday. Saturday was an all-day extravaganza that included 1) Dropping of my bike to get a new tire and a tune-up, 2) getting a fancy-schmancy haircut / massage at this place called Halo for Men that was having an introductory deal, 3) Going to see an awesome apartment with my good friend Zach (which we signed a lease for today), 4) Getting margaritas and chips and salsa at a neighborhood mexican joint, 5) Drinking a couple beers and people-watching on my balcony, 6) Cruising to my friend Colleen's place for a barbeque and way too many beers, and, finally 7) crashing on my buddy Nate's couch and waking up confused. Sunday was nice too. We had band practiced, which is sounding more and more like heavy metal, we cruised through a Puerto Rican street festival, and later I went to go see "The Incovinient Truth", which was pretty intersting at times, but also kinda lame. Today (monday) I went to work. Tomorrow I do the same, but after I go to a White Sox game with a big group of friends. Should be fun. I'll post something good soon.

Some facts about Chuck Norris that you might want to study up on.

2006-06-14T11:14:00.000-07:00

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "Fucking."

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

mEnTaL vAcUuM

2006-06-12T15:29:00.000-07:00

Got the monday workday braindrain blues.

Happy 6-6-6 Everybody!!!

2006-06-06T07:17:00.000-07:00

Got a good weekend in.

2006-06-04T22:39:00.000-07:00

Had a good'n. Total fun and raked in a funny little concert in a beatiful ourdoor setting that made Chicago weather look like something to be desired. A hairmetal cover band blasted forth some funny shit an intersection away from my apartment here in WrigleyVizz-ill. This is what it looked like. And some of the interiors posse from OO-K-Double-U was in the phuckin' house lookin cute as ever. So it was total fun. I also wrote a funny story, which I will withhold for the moment, but check for it SOON. Later dewds. Nuthin' but sweet love.

Found the off switch.

2006-06-02T06:37:00.000-07:00

Hey dudes. Quick friday morning post. Second City class was AWESOME. So much fun. I was nervous too, they really put us on the spot this time. The first class was all ice-breaker games and discussing of class policies and the like. This one was our first taste at actually improvising. More on this later.

Whatever I was talking about yesterday, blow it off. I found the off switch to my brain.

Ok, nevermind.

2006-06-01T09:53:00.000-07:00

My other phone started working again now that I recieved my replacement. So you don't have to send me your number. But you still can if you want. I got a grand total of three numbers from you guys anyways, so its a good thing my old phone started working again. I'm in a weird state of mind today. Thinking WAY too much. Having one of those "what the hell am I doing" type of revelations. Did I pick the right career? Will I ever find a girl and get married? Should I move to Hawaii and pursue printmaking? Wish I could just go back to being a kid sometimes, when nothing was complicated. Then again, I suppose someday I'll wish I was right back here. I need to find the off switch to my brain.

Thou shalt send me your number.

2006-05-30T11:20:00.000-07:00

Attention friends of Al. During an unfortunate turn of drunken events this past holiday weekend, my cell phone met a watery, toilety death. It's with Jesus now. Please send your current phone number to me, as most of my numbers were casualties of this grim incident.

Send 'em to: alfredpagano@hotmail.com

Thank you.

Home sweet Home.

2006-05-27T16:39:00.000-07:00

My little sis and broseph blast some face-melters on guitar hero.

Rock the shit.

2006-05-24T13:32:00.000-07:00

Take me now, God.

2006-05-24T10:56:00.000-07:00

Having another one of those days. Wanna just go home and fucking sleep for eight years. Hope you are doing well.

Final Grandaddy CD.

2006-05-19T15:20:00.000-07:00

[Email reply to my friend Patrick, who asked if "Just like the Fambly Cat" was really worthy of the "ten" it has been recieving in reviews]

Funny that you should bring this up, because that's what I've been repeatedly listening to all day. It is great. I'm not sure if its "10" great yet, only listened to it a few times through, but it is pretty fucking awesome, that's certain. Get it. Song 14, the second to last song is my favorite so far. Called "this is how it always starts". Its cool that he/they went out with such a bang. Kinda makes the album extra sad too. Definite theme of "goodbye" going on.

Speaking of goodbye...

Oh weekend, how I love thee...

2006-05-14T20:08:00.000-07:00

Look out, those of you in this world that wish to bring negativity and bullshit upon me, for I have a new weapon. My brother suggests the name "Keef", as in the proper pronunciation of the first name of the legendary and evidently immortal guitarist to the Rolling Stones. I like this idea, but I'm gonna need a bit more time with her/him before I'm sure. I stayed up till five wailing on this bitch last night. I'm pretty sure that a couple years ago God descended to earth, where he took up residence in Mexico, and that on the third day he created this guitar, and he looked and he saw that it was good.

'72 Telecaster Deluxe Reissue (in flames)

Another shot of her hanging from the wall in my bedroom.

Had a fun and relaxing weekend. Friday went out to see my friend John's new apartment in the Ukranian Village neighborhood of Chicago. Drank some beers at his place, walked around a bit, went into a corner store where all of the boxes and labels of products were in what I guess was Ukranian, which was pretty interesting. Felt like we were in an entirely different country for a minute. The night got even more interesting as we walked into a little dive bar for some drinks. The other customers were older Ukranian regulars, and a very lively crowd of dancing, middle-aged, large black women. Cut to an hour or two later and we're all dancing with them, a sight I WISH I had pictures of for you. Saturday I woke up a little raw, but excited, as my first task was to go pick up my new guitar! It was out at some Chicago-serving FED-EX location, outside of the city. So it was kinda like a little road trip with a sweet prize at the midpoint. I ended up staying in an playing music all night, a welcomed change from the average Saturday night. Caught some SNL too, with Paul Simon as the musical guest. (who I really like) Sunday I got a call from my buddy Patrick to go watch an improv comedy show at Second City at 1:30. I jumped at the chance, especially because I enrolled for a introductory course there that begins very soon. (what the heck, right?) The show had some very funny moments, though it did make me a little nervous too. It must be hard to get up there and risk saying something pathetically unfunny in front of a room full of people. Afterwards, I was examining this weird art exhibit in the same building. It is pictured below. Four generic, digitally modeled individuals look at and speak to eachother on a consul mounted to the wall. As I read the plaque I realized that the words they are speaking are being read from people's online blogs. So you're standing here listening to some simulated female voice saying "Saturday April 13th. I was sweeping the porch when I noticed a mantis in front of me. I hit him with the broom several times and he still didn't die. He must of been on PCP or something." And then a simulated male voice begins, synchronized with a computer-generated image of a black dude. "Friday I met Lindsay at the bar again. This time we went stright to her house and hooked up hardcore." It was a weird exhibit.

Next we headed to an all-u-can-eat sushi place they knew about on Clark street. Damn it was good.

After sushi we parted, each making an effort to remember to call our mothers.

Thanks for visiting!!!

The Squirtz (by me)

In with the good... out with the bad.

2006-05-11T19:31:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm feeling better about the band shit. Anger is fading. If I saw that Ben asshole I probably wouldn't kill him anymore, though I might squeeze a fart in his general direction. So that's good. Now I got to start a band that makes Alfred Sparrow look like a bunch of dildos. Or not, how bout I just do whatever is most fun, and forget it all happened. I'm gonna start with reading and getting a good night's sleep. L8erz, Ralph N8erz.

The quiet egomaniac, the douche-bag, and the runt.

2006-05-07T08:03:00.000-07:00

This is the new band name I suggest for the remaining members of Alfred Sparrow, as I was basically "laid off" yesterday. I don't know what they're thinking. I missed a practice because I stayed at work until ten pm busting ass to meet a deadline, which apparently gave them ample time to talk and decide I was out, after dedicating my time and effort to the band for no less than one year of my life. This is a very disturbing turn of events, one I can't help but think was brought on by the new bass player Ben, who has been in the band for a whopping two months. I was wondering why none of the guys had made an effort to get a hold of me. The only one who had the balls to talk to me about it was Steve, the drummer. All this and they expect me to show up chipper to practice on thursday to prepare for our show on saturday, the final show before Helge yet again goes away to Norway for 3 months. Don't know if I'll make it. We wouldn't even have that show or any of the shows we've played if I hadn't gotten off my ass and set them up. I just don't get it. I'm not really meant to be a lead guitar player? That's funny. How come it's worked out fine in the other 9 bands I've been in. I don't buy it. If you guys read this, then hello.

The Rome Post.

2006-04-30T12:18:00.000-07:00

Here is it. It took me hours to round up these photos, so I'm kind of spent in terms of typing a lot. But, once again, they say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here are 77,000 words for you.

Thanks for visiting.

*MEMBERS OF THE FAMILY - You should wait to see Molly's photos before these. It will understandably upset her if I steal her Roman thunder. So wait until Molly has a chance to show you her photos.

FOLLW THIS LINK TO THE SLIDESHOW!!!

Rome Slideshow!
(you'll have to give the page a minute or two to load)

Stay tuned...

2006-04-27T11:04:00.000-07:00

sorry dudes. awesome entry coming soon...

complain and this guy hovers over you while you sleep.

Spring is Finally here in Chicago!!!

2006-04-21T11:17:00.000-07:00

In Rome, no big deal.

2006-04-11T22:17:00.000-07:00

R O M E

2006-04-07T11:05:00.000-07:00

Hello readers. I'm getting on a plane tomorrow afternoon and heading to Rome for a week with my mom and two younger sisters. I can't believe we're going, its going to be a mind-blowing experience I'm sure. I wish the rest of the family could be there too. Someday that will be possible I'm sure. I will take pictures and post some highlights. Wow - talk about not being able to focus at work.

Arrivederci!

New Flaming Lips out today!!!

2006-04-04T10:06:00.000-07:00

YES!!!

At the Alfred Sparrow Show...

2006-04-03T12:46:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log

2006-04-01T21:54:00.000-08:00

Last weekend I took a little roadtrip to see Silver Jews play in Ann Arbor, and to visit Doug at Cranbrook. It was about a five hour drive, so it was nice to have some time to think and watch the landscape unfold.

The Silver Jews show was all I hoped for and more. (although no Steve Malkmus) The performance, not unlike David Berman's songs and poems themselves, was full of surprises. David himself seemed to be a complete mess. Upon mounting the stage, he attempted to explain the necessity of the music stand and reading light in front him, mentioning that not only were his eyes bad, but his memory was going too. He wore thick, yellow-lensed glasses and squinted through them at the music stand as the songs transpired, periodically halting his strum to push the glasses back up the bridge of his nose. Without fail, his glasses would fall off completely toward the end of each song, and he would nearly knock over the music stand as he clumsily bent down to retrieve them. Instead of being distracting or aggravating, these incidents were endearing and charmingly honest, perfectly in tune with his writing style. As for the music itself, it sounded great, and they ran an impressive spectrum of songs from all five albums. His gorgeous wife played guitar and sang backup, and took the reins and sang lead for the song she wrote on the latest album, "Tanglewood Numbers". (its no "let's humor my wife and let her sing a song" situation either, she's very good and is obviously a mean little songwriter herself) So the show was great, and I'm so glad I got the rare privilege of seeing them.

After the show, Doug and I stopped at a bar and drank a couple beers, shooting the shit about a range of topics. Then we went back to his studio space at Cranbrook and tried out the CrotchChair first hand. It was AWESOME. Worked like a charm.

So now its Saturday night, and I'm lying on this here couch typing this up for you. The Alfred Sparrow show last night went beautifully. I was nervous and worried that I'd forget guitar parts, since it was my first time playing them live and I had a few beers, but it all came together very nicely. Everyone in the bar became very focused on us and sounded thier approval warmly after each song. So that was a good feeling. Hope we can keep this band stuff up, I really think there's a lot of potential there. I'll get more detailed about the show in the next entry and I'll try to post some pictures of the performance.

Bye Bye for now!

UPDATE! Alfred Sparrow show March 31st

2006-03-24T11:15:00.000-08:00

Underground Lounge - We are now "headlining".

This means we're going on at midnight. (kindof a bummer)

So if you only want to catch us - come before midnight.

That is all.

Driving to Ann Arbor to see Silver Jews this weekend!!!

2006-03-23T17:13:00.000-08:00

Though not for everyone, this is one of my favorite bands. Its actually (for those who don't know) just one guy, David Berman. He makes home recordings and has not toured in the 15 years he has put out music - so I am beyond excited. Though the breed of music is an aquired taste, once you aquire it, you will wanna taste it all the fucking time. He has a sort of drunken, bittersweet, "noticing the beauty in the mundane" kind of outlook. He also writes poetry, and has a awesome book out called "Actual Air" that I have two copies of, just to be safe.

Here are some amusing videos. Check 'em out if you wish.

*[fun fucking fact: I believe the first blog entry I ever made contains a David Berman excerpt.]

"Punks in the Beerlight" (new) (warning: weird as hell)
"Rebel Jew" (warning: awesome)
"Slow Education" (warning: probably good too)
"New Orleans" (warning: not sure)

More on CrotchRock! [ NEW TRACK + MOVIE ]

2006-03-20T17:46:00.000-08:00

CrotchRock Movie!

[the movie will take a while to load on the first viewing - but its pretty funny so check it out.]

Gimmee some feedback everyone! (comments)

The first track from the CrotchRock experience

2006-03-18T17:41:00.000-08:00

Brain Defibrillator (1st Track)

HIGH SPEED INTERNET FINALLY AQUIRED!!!

2006-03-18T14:22:00.000-08:00

Yes, its true. I am typing this from a reclined position in my huge awesome bed. Time for my Brian Wilson-style, two-year bed binge. On second thought, I shoulld probably hang on to my job. (which is going well) Ahh. This rules. Ok, I'm gonna get my shit together and post some crotchrock! Doug sent me documentation of the exhibit, and is pretty funny to see people experiencing the crotch chair. I'll show you!

Lot goin' on.

2006-03-16T10:10:00.000-08:00

First of all, I finally finished the "Crotch-Rock" CD for Doug's chair exhibit. So soon strangers will be barraged with ridiculous music especially composed to stimulate their lower regions. The image above is the cover art. The disc includes 11 various strange tracks. I will be posting the songs very soon - so if you're curious, check back soon.

In other news, Lollapalooza tickets went on sale today - and the lineup is pretty fucking amazing. The Flaming Lips, Ween, The Shins, Wilco, Queens of the Stone Age, and The Red Hot Chili Peppers to name a few. Its a three day event this year - August 4th through the 6th. So if any of you readers are interested, check it out at the Lollapalooza site and buy a damn ticket.

Well, shit. I have band practice tonight, then doing a little St. Patrick's Day Bar hoppin' tomorrow after work. Also, we're supposed to get high-speed internet finally this weekend, so that could be the begining of more frequent posts if all goes well. (they dicked me over last time and never showed up)

Hope you are all doing well - more coming soon.

bored & doodling

2006-03-15T15:22:00.000-08:00

The dude who has been giving me work to do went home sick and I finshed my work a while ago so I've just been listening to the Boogie Nights soundtrack, nodding off and doodling complete nonsense. Just thought I'd share. I think this is a robotic hermit crab from the future, who has gathered metal scraps and peices of electronics to act as his protective shell. Obviously I'm a little bored. But hey, I'd rather be bored 10,000 times more than constantly getting criticized and yelled at, like at my last gig. So this isn't too bad. Hope you're doing well out there.

Saw Belle & Sebastian this weekend...

2006-03-13T11:10:00.000-08:00

They played at this old place here in Chicago called the Riviera. Its a really cool place with very intricate ornamentation everywhere. The show was great of course, plus some gorgeous girl started talking to me for some reason and that ruled.

More soon- I'm at work...

Congratulations to my 5000th Visitor!

2006-03-13T11:04:00.000-08:00

You receive nothing.

Serenading your Crotch

2006-03-08T11:03:00.000-08:00

Hey guys. I'm sorry its been so long. This one is gonna have to be brief too, I'm on lunch break here at my new job. Its still going well. Better, in fact. I'm working on a digital 3D model, which is a lot of fun. Almost doesn't feel like work.

Pictured above is my good friend Doug's lastest project, a chair he designed and built which two people are meant to occupy. Two strategically-placed woofers are then meant to play special music directly to your privates. This is where I come in. Doug has commisioned me to compose and record the music to be played through this chair. (It will be on exhibit) So that's part of what I've been up to lately - recording rediculous electronic crotch ballads. Shit, gotta go. I'll post some of my new songs soon as possible.

Bye everyone.

Cold as Shit here in Chicago

2006-02-19T12:59:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone. I hope you are all having a lazy Sunday in your respective towns. Our internet at home is unpredictable (like Jamie Foxx), so I continue to be sporadic with the posts. For that I apologize. I'm sitting in an internet cafe in the Lakeview neighborhood of Chicago right now called "bytes & coffee" or something, typing a little update for yall. Its four degrees outside, and when the wind blows, it somehow feels like fire. But I wanted to get out and about anyway.

I went to see a great movie last night called "The Squid & the Whale". If you haven't seen it, find a way to see the shit out of it. A movie of rare quality. If they had thrown a couple of gay dudes in there, it may have escaped from being completely overshadowed by Brokeback Mountain. (just kidding...) I love my new job so far. I just walk in there in a dress shirt and slacks, fill my red mug with coffee, greet everyone I pass, sit down and get to work. It is such a breeze compared to my last job. I mean, its still hard work, and I have to think a lot, but this time I don't have some asshole looking over my shoulder and telling me what I'm doing wrong for 12 hours a day.

At this new place, I get a stack of tasks to do, I go over to my desk, put on my earphones and go to musicland while I work. I am able to focus without interruption, which makes the time go lightning fast. So that's a piece of good news for you. I'm also trying my best to arrange to attend the Belle & Sebastain show coming up, and hopefully the Silver Jews as well. Easily two of my favorite bands, so I'm very excited about that. Uh... Are blogs dumb? Why do I have one, you may ask... Well, I guess its so that I may share what's going on in my life with people that care about me. I have looked at a couple other blogs lately, and they're so negative. Its all bitching and moaning about how much things suck. I hope to God mine never comes off like that. I'm really a pretty happy guy, and I see a hundred different amazing and beautiful things about everyday life around me every day. That's why I have a blog. I feel like its a waste to keep all that to myself.

Afterward:
(if you are a cute girl, and you like what you have just read, please leave a comment including your number.)

When the lights go down in the citay.

2006-02-17T18:12:00.000-08:00

New Job Good. Weekend Good. Fire Bad.

2006-02-12T13:52:00.000-08:00

My new workplace.

Indecent exposure of the air supply.

Pancakes in the snow.

Kitchen Gospel Jamboree at Alex's party!

Breakfast at Nate's place.

Amazing "Build your own Chicago" postcards!!!

Tribune Tower (built by Nate)

Sears Tower (built by Al)

Old German Horse Stables building in Humbolt Park.

The Stables again.

Spooky Saturday Night.

Hope you are all doing wonderfully. Send me a little hello!

"nice to have you aboard"

2006-02-06T17:37:00.000-08:00

View on the walk home from my first day.

Just got home from my first day of my new job at OKW architects. It was pretty awesome. I didn't do much, mostly just got oriented and all that shit, but I think its gonna be the begining of a MUCH better situation. I met everyone in the office, and they all seem very nice so far. Now I'm trying to work up the will power to go brave the cold and walk over to the gym. I'm gonna do it. (probably)

Hope you are all doing wonderfully.